Lies We're Told

I grew up in Reading, MA, where original settlers came from England in the 1630's to inhabit the Massachusetts Bay Colony. During it's early years, Reading was known as "Wood End" or "Third Parish", and hopefully, as time passes, people will forget about that and remember Reading is the home to Jordan's Furniture and IMAX.

Anyway, 300 and some odd years after those original hillbillies settled in to pick rubarb, I was hired as a "prep cook" at Wes Parker's restaurant. Those of you familiar with Wes Parker's remember it was then replaced with "Mandarin" restaurant, which, interestingly, is the only chinese food restaurant in town unless you frequent the other 7 all located within 1 square mile.

Now, pay attention here, because this is where the hubcaps fly off the Buick. On my first day, a Friday night, I put on the apron, and began acquainting myself with the kitchen. The manager comes in and says "okay, let's get you started" and brings me over to the dishwasher. Here's our conversation:

me: "This is the dishwasher."

Manager: "Yes. We really need help with dishwashing."

me: "But you hired me to be a prep cook."

Manager: "Yeah! You will be a prep cook, but for right now, we need some help washing pots and pans."

Me: "I see."

Manager: "Look. We'll start you off with something to eat. You hungry? The cooks will make anything you want."

Me: "Okay. I'll have the barbecued chicken with rice and vegetables."

Manager: "You got it."

8 minutes later, I'm eating my dinner right near the dishwasher and really just enjoying the environment, the hubbub of the kitchen, the waitstaff coming and going, making pickups, making order changes, etc. During this time, I noticed an unusually large pile of plates, silverware, pots and pans, etc., building up all around me. I don't recall if anyone even said "hello" to me, but the food sure was good. After I finished my meal, I placed my plate in the dirty pile along with the others. Then, the manager came back into give me a lay of the land.

Manager: "Okay, how was that, good? I love that dish."

Me: "Yeah, it really was excellent."

Manager: "Great. Now, here's how the machine works. Obviously, you scrape off the thick stuff in to the barrel, and after that, you give 'em a quick spray, then place them in the rack. Slide the rack in here, pull down the metal door, then you flip this switch and the machine will run for about 60 seconds. When you open that door, watch out for the steam that comes out, because it can burn your skin. Give it a couple of seconds to clear out, slide out the tray, then put the plates over there on the shelves in front of the cooks. The cooks will have bus tubs under their workstations. Periodically, swing by and see if those need emptying. They may have pots and pans that need scrubbing, or utensils, or whatever. You can also, if you have time, see if they need drinks, it gets wicked hot back there. So....okay. Here we go, obviously it's getting busy in here, and out there, so I gotta go check on the dining room. Okay?"

Me: "This is bullsh*t."

Then I tossed my apron to him and went out drinking with my friends. Not sure who washed dishes that night at Wes Parker's, but it wasn't me. If you ever travel back in time, order that chicken dinner.